Ask A TA: Balancing Personal and Professional Responsibilities
This month’s ‘Ask a TA’ focus is on balancing personal and professional responsibilities. TAs are not only TAs: we are friends, partners, parents, siblings, children, and individuals who sometimes need a little alone time. So how can we balance these many responsibilities?

To answer this question, TAP went to Benjamin Peters. Benjie is a 5th year Ph.D. student in the Political Science Department, the Administrative Assistant for the Graduate Student Association at Rutgers University, and also works as an Emergency Maintenance Dispatcher for University Housing.

1. First, tell us a little about you: your personal situation, your professional situation, etc:

I am a fifth-year student in the dissertation phase of my Ph.D. and also a husband and father of three children ages six, three, and one. After working for eight years following college, I began my Master’s at the age of 30, already with one child. My second child was born during my Ph.D. coursework, and my third child was born post-qualifying exams. While I was fortunate to enter Rutgers on fellowship and presently teach my own class on a TA line, I have worked part-time, campus jobs all but my first year here in order to supplement our family income. Calculating the trade-offs between working outside the home and staying at home with the children, my wife chose the latter. I’m always honest in saying, though, that she ended up with four full-time jobs – the three children and me! I don’t know how she does it; you should probably be interviewing her instead of me.

2. What does a typical day look like for you? Can you give an example of a day where you have to balance both professional and personal responsibilities?

Every day of the week I have to balance both work and family. On a typical weekday I get up at 7:15 so that I can be ready to start my day and take my oldest son to his bus stop by 8:15. (Am I really old enough to have a child who rides the school bus?) Then, three mornings a week, I drop my next oldest son off at his preschool just before 9:00. That routine is the only thing typical about most weekdays for me. Two mornings a week I teach, one morning a week I work at the GSA and on the others I do my research and writing and run errands. I also have one of my part-time jobs and my office hours three afternoons a week. In the evenings I take my son to his kung fu lessons twice a week (reading or replying to student emails during his lessons) and attend the occasional meeting at the primary school or preschool. My wife doesn’t have a driver’s license, so I also do all of the grocery shopping, etc. Of course once the kids are in bed (lights out at 8:30 sharp) my wife and I finally have time to talk in detail about our days, and I also typically do a couple hours of my work before going to bed - usually around midnight.

3. What is the most difficult part of balancing everything?

Having a family and doing graduate-level research and writing often feels like prospecting for gold. Unless you have staked your temporal claim in terms of establishing a set, weekly research schedule, it is very easy for days and sometimes weeks to pass without finding the shiny but elusive nuggets (let alone veins) of “uninterrupted thinking time” that we value so much. With family and teaching responsibilities, part-time jobs, and errands, that uninterrupted thinking time is in high demand. And since doing research and writing is something that we have to manage ourselves in terms of the schedules we (try to) stick to, it is very easy for the uninterrupted thinking time to get swept down the stream with other tasks and unexpected circumstances that constantly rush by us.

The other challenge is the cannibalization of your family time by your academic and other work-related responsibilities. It is very hard to be wholly present and mindful at home when you know there are a dozen things that you could be attending to at any moment – newly arriving emails, visits to the library, meetings with faculty and students, not to mention all of those books that sit on the shelf unread…

4. What is the most rewarding part of balancing academics and family?

The most rewarding part of this life for me is that as a student I do have a good deal of flexibility in arranging my work schedule. It is quite different than being in a cubicle for 40+ hours every week. For example, every Tuesday I block out an hour-and-a-half so that my wife and I can go out for a lunch date and every Friday afternoon I watch the kids so she can go out with her friends. Of course, I’m also glad when I can attend events at our kids’ schools during the day.

5. Can you give us an example of a day when the balancing act fell apart? What did you do? What can you do?

I realize it is blasphemous to say so, but I actually never use a planner or calendar to keep track of my schedule. While not using them is probably not advisable, I have been pretty good about being where I am supposed to be when I am supposed to be there. Well, except for the time when I missed my first-ever parent-teacher conference during my oldest son’s first year at preschool. How bad is that? As you can imagine, I felt pretty lousy about it. Fortunately, his teacher was very understanding and was kind enough to re-schedule it for later in the week. Whew. Oh, and then there was the time when I locked my keys in the car (for the first time ever). That was because of sleep deprivation…

6. What do you wish someone had told you or advised you about balancing family and academic life? Can you give other TAs a few tips (beyond buying a planner)?

Well, since I’ve already undermined the advice about buying a planner, I’d say that the main thing to remember is that you can’t do everything, so don’t try. Honestly, if you’re balancing your family and academic life, you’re busy enough that you can say “no” once in a while to the non-obligatory things that come up without feeling guilty. Also, while this is a piece of advice that I haven’t always been able to stick to myself, make yourself take one whole day off from work every weekend so that you can spend an uninterrupted day with your family – and don’t feel guilty about setting aside a few hours of that day to re-charge your own batteries. Warning: if you’re checking your university email account or sneaking in some studying or grading, then you’re not re-charging your batteries and you need to go out and take a walk or go to the café and read the newspaper.

If you have questions, comments, or suggestions about how to balance professional and personal responsibilities, please write us.

A special thanks to Benjie Peters, Political Science, and his understanding family.

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